May 28th, 2009. I was in my car on my way back to work. My mom was waiting for the x-ray results today that would explain her tremendous back pain for the last two months. I called my mom and asked "have they called", she was a little to chipper. I knew something was wrong, she told me it turned out to be more complicated than just back pain. It was cancer. Cancer? What the hell are you talking about????
That was the worst day of my life.
My mom is my best friend in the whole world. She basically has been a second mother to my 14 year old son as all three of us have lived together for the past eleven years. She is the one I call to tell all of the little things that are going on during the day. I cannot imagine going one single day without her in my life.
It has been six weeks since that day. Mom has always been self employed and for various reasons does not have health insurance. It has been an incredible hardship and she still worries about her bills (at this point I could care less I just want her to get treatment). She found a wonderful social worker at the hospital who went to bat for her and got the "petscan" & MRI's covered. Everything seems to take so long when you don't have insurance. It is an eye opener for sure. Mom let me go to her appointment to hear what the results were. This hour topped "the worst day of my life". We were told she has liver and lung cancer. Even with treatment the average lifespan would be 14-15 months. The next week I could not stop crying no matter how hard I tried. I finally hit my wall and lost it, calling my mom in hysterics telling her that if she was not around I did not want to be a part of this world anymore. Now, that I look back on that conversation, my poor mom. She's trying to deal with her own emotions and here I come freaking out on her. Since that day, I realized that I can't think about her not being here next year I can only deal with today and tomorrow. I am going to do everything possible and beyond to be there for her and get her through this. My mom is a very independant person so this on it's own will be a challenge having ANYONE help her. Don't push me on this mom, you won't win this one. We will see.....
She started radiation last Monday, tomorrow will be her 6th session. She will continue on until 13 days of radiation is complete. In the middle of this she starts chemo this Wednesday. She had the port implanted for the chemo, it looks very strange and you can feel the tube running under her skin.
I feel I am a pretty wimpy person but there is no way that I am giving up on this one. Thanks for listening, talk to you soon.
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great job on setting this up lori.
ReplyDeleteYour mom has become one of my best freinds, she is my partner in crime for all the fund raising projects we have taken on at the the Pike Place Market.
with her we have raised well over $100,000.00
for various people in need.
Now I must raise money for my partner, Susan.
Soon she will not be able to work, she is one proud momma and will find it hard to not do for herself, but it is now time for us to help her.
I will be setting a fund raising auction.
Anyone wanting to help or donate can contact me shawfamilyx@comcast.net or phone me 206-669-7597.
Time to pay it forward folks she now needs us.
I love you Susan Sauls
Lori,
ReplyDeleteI have walked the path you are walking. My mom has had 5 seperate unrelated cancers and my dad 2 kinds of cancer. I know just how you feel, except they had good insurance. All your market friends are there for you and we all love you guys!
Stay in the now! My phone number is 425 355 1075. Don't hesitate to call if you need someone to talk to. Richard and I are both usually here.
We are keeping up on facebook and will participate in the fundraisings!
We love you Susan Sauls!
Sandi and Richard
Lori -
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this blog. I'm sure it's good for you to write, but it's also good for us to have a way to be in touch with what you are all going through. At times like these it's hard to feel so helpless and out of touch. So having this way to hear updates and let you know we're here and love you and support you is really helpful.
I just want you to know that I have a friend with lung cancer who was given 6 months to a year to live --- and that was 3 years ago. The cancer had spread to his hip, liver, brain, spine & arm and the prognosis was terrible. I had lunch with him last week and he'd be happy to talk to you or to Susan if you want to talk to him about what his life is like and the treatment he chose. The cancer is not gone, and his road has been a challenge at times, but he's kept it in check and is happy, active and still loving life. He rides his bike, keeps busy and is doing great. Your Mom is as strong a person, if not stronger than he is. Don't listen to the doctors predictions (I know that's his advice, he thinks it was key in keeping his attitude upbeat and fighting the disease) and let me know if you want his number.
Big, Big love to both of you.
Pam Corwin
Life has such a way of throwing curve balls, out of the blue for no reason. It's how we hadle the pitch of the curve balls that makes it possible for us to survive. This is NOT the last inning of this game but the beginning of a new life, starting with each new day that follows. Situations like this help us to become stonger in the face of adversity and give us strength we had no idea we had. The power of LOVE,FAITH,FAMILY AND FRIENDS can and will create miracles. Stay positive and know there are many praying for you and who are willing to help in any and all ways
ReplyDeleteMichele Versteeg
Lori's co-worker